For me

I know you're mad at me, It's ok. I don't know if you realise anger comes with love, joy with fear, upsets with caring and that love and hate are but two sides of the same coin. For me, every day is a roller coaster of despair and managing. Elation in between is rare. Contentment is the best solution, and I get there occasionally, so I guess I shouldn't complain. Within the same day, I can despair coz of you and feel very content too. Sometimes it is difficult to control either emotion, though I try very hard with both. However, I am like this, on an emotionally roller coaster ride most days. What is difficult about me is to remember that once the emotion is expressed, either in writing or it is said, it is over with. I am fairly like an open book with no malice. I realise it is difficut to deal with, which is why I ask you to forget me, when I do.

A trip that wasn't

One Friday night we were all scratching our heads to find a perfect birthday gift for Dielle. By exhausting all possible ideas I had already made my friends’ job a little difficult.

Vinod left early only to start thinking again the next day. Meanwhile, I poured a drink for myself hoping to better my thought process. Yash was savouring his drink as he always does. After a while my thoughts were all fuzzy. Royal Stag did it again; my few grey cells have this habit of going on a strike as soon as they feel some alcohol in the blood. Nevertheless, I think better without sweating my brain. "Everybody deserves to be pampered and we all need a little tranquillity now and then. D likes adventure and yes at times pampering as well."

Yash was taken aback when I made the above statement. Yash almost screamed, "How about a trek?" Vish improvised it by tossing up Gokarana as our destination.
Everything was planned and finally the ‘D-Day’ (read Dielle's Day! ) came. But, more fun was in the offing. In the morning we found that oil firms were on an indefinite strike. What the hell. I had told mum not to vote for Congress. She didn’t listen to me. They can’t even give us an uninterrupted gas supply.

The early morning excitement soon became a disaster. After endless number of calls to Bobby and Yashpal I had to call the trip off. No the story was not over yet, a twist in the tale was waiting. Bobby being a true juggler managed to arrange gas. Hurrah!! our trip plan was still afloat.

Knowing that 10pm is late night in Mangalore, we didn’t go out to buy stuff for the trip. No booze, no football and no sandwiches.

However, we started our trip at 5am, see we all are early-risers. lol

Singing, dancing and laughter full throat. I could sense that good times were ahead. Suddenly, D realised we are on the way to Udupi, "idlis on banana a leaf", she said in an overexcited tone. But to her bad luck, Udupivalas are not early-risers. No eatery was open. We had to wait for another 45 minutes to have our breakfast. Sipping steaming coffee and having warm idlis was an ideal way to start our day. As speed of the car increased our enthusiasm drastically went down. Idlis really made us sleep but Bobby had something else on his mind. He made us sing on his tunes or rather on tunes of his car’s accelerator. He was driving at 200kmph. I had never seen Vinod so alert. Meanwhile, we reached Gokarna. It didn’t give the look I was expecting. It looked like any other small town. But it was nature’s way of fooling me. As they say, best always comes later.

Meanwhile, as the car negotiated with the curves of the hilly way to the Om beach I was getting restless to see the famous blue waters of Gokarna.

To be continued…

Lines for me

Sometimes a voice can help me through, much more than any song,
Sometimes a line will speed me on, when all else is going wrong,
Sometimes when troubled winds blow strong, when life is not worth a penny
Then I look to you for strength, as times before, they've been many.
When friends seem foes, when each face seems strange
When all my thoughts every day I must rearrange,
It's then I think of words you said from where much hope I've drawn
It's then I remember each new day that my life it is not forlorn.
"You are strong, you can fight."
The sky is blue, the clouds are white
When I search I know the day is bright.
My mind seems clouded and confused
I see things as if they are diffused.
I know there is a waiting light
I know it is merely out of sight
I must have faith in my own self
Or else, me, I cannot help.
I must not think that all is lost, I must not feel "I cannot",
I must do things I know I must, it's only time that I have bought.
I will work well because I know I can, not because it will make me a man
I think I'm worth it so I'll prove it well, not that otherwise I give a damn.
My life is mine, for me to lead
I am my source of energy
I am the sun, the ocean waves
I will not be anybody's slave.
I do not need to anybody prove
what I am made of, that is my own groove
I will strive to better my own self
to be there when others need my help.

Troubled Times

When the going gets tough, they say that HE tests people who are strong.

“And may be you are very strong.” I didn’t know how to react, so I just accepted.



It’s been two weeks and I am still in a rut. I am losing my calm nature, did weird things, moped around feeling kind of bummed out, complained a little (which is more than usual since I rarely complains), didn't call home or family, didn't post on my blog and finally lost sight of the big picture and the importance of things. It pretty much sucked, but the good news is, it will get over some day!


Today I woke up and realized that there are only 21 days left for the next year and that's not too shabby. I still have some important work to do here and I've done great wok so far, so I'm happy (contrary to other people’s thought). And it's ok that I was in a little rut, everyone goes through them here, and if 20 days of de-motivation is it for me, I'll take it. However, it shall not continue…Today when I walked into the office something was different. Music was playing on VH1. I love music, pretty much all kinds but a particular song was playing that is also one of my mom and my favourite songs. "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going" by Billy Ocean. It brought back such a great memory of when I was a kid and my mom and my friend Viru’s mom, took me, Viru, his sister and my sister to the movies one afternoon by the Chowkabha hall (if memory serves) to see one of my favourite movies, "Anand". I first heard this song in his jeep and mum explained it to me.

I guess just passing the unknown or known roads, working hard and going to the gym (only once) just isn't cutting it anymore, you need to think of creative ways to keep your mind active (Sana - I'm still reading your book). So for me that means that I'll listen to a stupid Billy Ocean song once in a while, or think of silly 80s trivia (if you guys know any obscure 80s songs, lemme know), or my personal favourites, sometimes late at night, when I'm the last one to sleep. I'll stay outside in the dark for 10 minutes blasting my phone and dancing to myself.

The ebb and a fall... someone said

When nothing seems to be working out right, when the heart is heavy and the soul weary, one tends to find solace in the recesses of one's memory. It is comforting to walk down memory lane, stop in front of your best friends' gate, chat a while and move on. It soothes the soul to remember a holiday, an event, a moment.

The sand beneath your feet is cold. The moonlight shimmers on the waves as they hurdle up to you, break at your feet, and silently slide back. The roar of the waves, the rustling of the coconut trees and the sounds of your breath are the only things that matter. The cool breeze plays on your skin as you pull your shawl closer around your shoulders. The nip in the air is welcome. It stirs the mind and dulls the soul. It stimulates the nerves as adrenalin rushes through your body. You know you can easily fall asleep on these shores as long as you can feel this.

You sit down on the cool sand. The waves rush up to you in a swell, and recede silently. They are speaking to you. They are telling you that good times will come again, as surely as the next wave will. They are coaxing you to wash your heavy heart one wave at a time, till you are cleansed like the sparkling beach. Time stands still as you sit on the sand, listening to the wisdom of the waves, the comfort of the breeze and the voices in the trees. You see the crabs scamper past as they dart across the freshly washed shore, making fresh patterns. You see fresh hope.

The angle of the shimmer on the water has changed. The moon seems higher in the sky. It has taken a while for you to understand the language of the waves. There is always an ebb and then a fall. The distance, the time between these is what is difficult. You can now lie down on the sand, and look up at the millions of stars in the crystal clear sky. Nowhere on earth can you see more stars than under this sky, in this thumbnail of the world. You can travel to Orion, to Pleades and to whichever other constellation you wish. You can reach for the stars, literally. And no distance matters anymore. Not between the ebb and the fall... not between you and the stars.

And that is where you find your peace, your corner in the world. That is when your step becomes lighter, your smile brighter.

जिंदगी चलने का नाम है

After reading Jyoti Sanyal's obituaries....
There is only one single moment between life and death. So often, there isn't any time for goodbye's. Whatever you've left behind is all that there is; there may never be that final moment to set things 'right'. Somewhere, sometime, I remember someone telling me... There is no certainty in life, so live every minute as if its your last. Enjoy every moment of your life to the fullest, and don't regret what you couldn't do. Take life's simple pleasures seriously - a sunrise, the breeze on a hot day, the sound of waves as they crash against rocks, the smile of a friend, the tears through which the smile slips out.... Enjoy the laughter of the ones you love, the mischief of the little fellows even when you're tired, and remember that life is beautiful.... if you only let it be. Talk to the people who matter to you, and don't be afraid to tell the people who matter, that they do. Don't ever say, 'I'll do it tomorrow", for there may not be any tomorrow. And yesterday is history, so don't hold any grudges, and look forward to every new day. And you will die a happy man, you will die a free soul....
When there is only one life (that we will remember), live it in a way that you choose... there will always be people who will appreciate you only after you are gone, there will always be those that malign you, but be the man you would want to admire, and other's will surely admire you. Don't aspire to gain their admiration, you will only fall. Live to please yourself, while being considerate of others, and you will find that the world will make space for you.

दक्षिण भारतीयों को बस एक ही नाम से जानते हैं "मद्रासी"

तीन साल पहले तक कर्नाटक, तमिलनाडु या केरल ये सब मेरे लिए बस एक नाम थे.मैप या सिर्फ़ चित्रों मे इन जगहों को देखा था और मन मे दबी सी एक हसरत थी कि कभी जाउँगा. तीन साल पहले दिल्ली मे जीवन संघर्ष जारी था कि एक मित्र
के ज़रिए कर्नाटक आने का मौका मिला. मुझे तब ज़रा भी इल्म नही था बेंगालुरू मुझे इतना कुछ देगा. करियर, एक नया जीवन, प्यार और बहुत कुछ. हम उत्तर भारत मे दक्षिण भारतीयों को बस एक ही नाम से जानते हैं "मद्रासी".शुरू के दो महीने रहने
के बाद ही मेरा परिचय दक्षिण के चारों राज्यों उनकी अलग अलग संस्कृति और स्वाद का सही मायनों मे पता चला. पिछले साल जब मेरा कोस्टल बेल्ट के सबसे खूबसूरत शहर मेंगालुरु मे ट्रान्स्फर हुआ तब ज़्यादा बुरा नही लगा क्यूंकी सारे मित्र बस कुछ घंटे
कि ही दूरी पर थे.बेगालुरु क़ी ज़िंदगी जहाँ तेज़ रफ़्तार और चकाचौध भरी थी वहीं मेगलूर एक शांत और अलसाया हुआ शहर लगा. क्राइम बेहद कम और महिलाओं को उन्मुक्त घूमने की आज़ादी. ट्रफ़िक नही और साफ सुथरी सड़कें जीवन को बेहद आसान बना देती हैं.
उत्तर भारत की सड़कों पर एक अज़ीब सा अग्रेशन रहता है. मेरा यकीन मानिए पूरे देश मे कर्नाटक से ज़्यादा सीधे साधे लोंग कहीं नही मिलेंगे.बेंगालुरू मे पैसे ने ज़रूर लोंगों को बदल दिया है पर कोस्टल इलाक़े मे आप कहीं भी जाइए लोंग खुले दिल
से आपका स्वागत करेंगे. मैं इलाहाबाद से बेहद प्यार करता हूँ पर मेगालुरु ने मुझे कभी प्रयाग क़ी कमी नही खलने दी. अगर आपको सामुद्री खाना पसंद है तो ये जगह गोआ से कम नही है. इतने अलग तरह के दोसे भी मैने कभी नही खाए
थे. अगर आप यहाँ आए तो कोरी रोटी ज़रूर खाएँ, ये यहाँ सबसे ज़्यादा खाया जाने वाला व्यंजन है. चिकन और लोकल मसालों क़ी ग्रेवी और साथ मे चावल क़ी रोटी, इसे ही कहते हैं कोरी रोटी. फिश फ्राइ और चावल आपको दुनिया में सबसे अच्छा यही
मिलेगा.और अगर खाने के बाद कोल्ड ड्रिंक पीने का मन करे तो आइडिया छोड़ दीजिए. होटल के बाहर निकालिए और पाँच रुपये मे ताज़े नारियल पानी का आनंद लीजिए.गोआ के सामुद्री तट जहाँ हमेशा भीड़ भरे रहते हैं वहीं मेंगलूर के बीचों पर आपको हमेशा
शांति मिलेगी. कई ऐसे तट हैं जहाँ मानव दखल ना के बराबर है. समुद्र जब शांत रहता है तो मछुआरों क़ी नौकाएँ दृश्य को और भी मनोरम बना देती है. और मेरी तरह अगर आप भी किसी मछुआरे से दोस्ती कर लें तो फिर आपको एक
यादगार नौका यात्रा का आनंद मिलेगा. मैने क्रूज़ यात्रा भी क़ी है पर मछुआरों के साथ बिताया दिन मेरी हर यात्रा से बेहतर है.यहाँ पर कई मशहूर धर्मस्थल हैं. मंगलदेवी मंदिर शहर के उत्तर मे स्थित है. ऐसी मान्यता है कि भगवान परशुराम ने यहाँ तपस्या
कि थी और उन्हे देवी ने दर्शन दिया था. दक्षिण के मंदिर बेहद साफ सुथरे और सुसंगठित होते हैं.इन्फैंट ईसा मसीह श्राइन मासीही समुदाय का सबसे बड़ा धर्मस्थल है. एक अनोखा शहर है ये, यहाँ आपको दीवाली और क्रिसमस दोनो पर्वों पर पूरा शहरसज़ा
मिलेगा. पुराने ब्रिटिश स्टाइल के बंगले अभी भी है और लोंग उन्हे बेहद सहेज कर रखते है. मौसम यहाँ पूरे साल सुहाना ही रहता है, बस मानसून कि बारिश लगातार होती है और आप इसे जितनी जल्दी अपने जीवन का हिस्सा मान लें उतना ही बेहतर.बेंगालुरू
को कर्नाटक मानने वालों को कोस्टल कर्नाटक कि यात्रा ज़रूर करनी चाहिए.